She has also agreed to blog for us during her stay. So here is her first blogged!! We are praying for you Carly!!
Carly Hinds Blog:
When I decided to come to Honduras, I thought God would instantaneously and dramatically change me. I thought I would go from this flawed, ugly person and suddenly transform into this startling beautiful butterfly, inside and out. I thought all my problems would be solved and all my pain, stress, and weaknesses would be taken away. That didn't happen. That's not how God works, not exactly. I didn't realize that each change in me would be subtle enough to the point that I was blind to it. I didn't realize how hard this new life would be, not hard in the dramatic surreal ways but hard in the mundane ways. I'm still struggling with self worth, I'm still struggling with conflicting people, I'm still struggling with my work ethic. I'm just in a different location. I thought that every single day I would be changing lives, and aware of the fact that I was changing lives. And yet again, God doesn't always work that way. I am changing lives, I just don't realize it most of the time.
Now let me tell you about my children. When I came down here, they threw me in the Kindergarten room. I was terrified. Terrified of being incompetent. Terrified of the fact that I knew no Spanish and they knew no English. Terrified of the fact that people were counting on me to teach their children and I had no experience whatsoever. I'm only 18, for Heaven's sake! When I agreed to the position of Kindergarten teacher, I wasn't thinking of details. I wasn't thinking of what it would entail. I was only thinking that this is what God was calling me to do, which I guess is a good thing. But as the first day of school came closer, I got more and more terrified. "I can't do this. I'm incompetent. I don't have any experience. I don't know Spanish. I'm only 18. I'm the youngest one here." All these thoughts constantly spiraled in my head. The devil is getting his revenge on me for making this decision, by attacking my peace of mind. The devil can be petty, but sometimes that's all it takes. Then the first day rolled around. It was a nightmare. It was everything I had feared. For almost the entire day, my children were giving me confused and frustrated stares. And I was giving them the same thing back. That tiny hope that I had stashed away was gone. I honestly didn't see how I could do it. In my mind, the language barrier was so large that this task was impossible. So what did I do about it? I do what I always do in a situation where I'm stressed out. I prayed. I vented to my mom. And I went to sleep at 7pm. The next day, there was dread. A whole bunch. Like a monsoon was hanging over my head. So what did I do? I prayed. The entire hour long trip to school, I prayed. I wasn't giving up! I prayed for strength, I prayed for wisdom, I prayed for understanding, and most of all - I prayed for patience. Which I have learned, is a terrible thing to pray for. When you pray for patience, God puts you in situations to test your patience. And tested, my patience certainly has been. My kids drive me insane! They know exactly what to do, to drive me crazy, to make me go insane. But now, two months later, my patience has grown. My self confidence has grown. My teaching skills have grown. My ability to love has grown. And even my Spanish has grown. While my kids are learning English, they are teaching me Spanish. After two months, they understand nearly everything I say and they are piecing together sentences. They are communicating in English where two months prior, they didn't know a single English word. And my kids.. They are changing my heart. I love each and everyone of them and their little sweet hearts. And their capacity to love and their eagerness to please.. Is astounding! Yes, they drive me crazy but they are mine and I would never wish them away. I have realized that I am changing their lives in ways that I can't necessarily imagine. But I know how I want to change their lives. I want to be the constant love in their ever changing lives. I want to be the person that builds the foundation for their wonderful futures. I want to teach them who God is and how much he loves them. I want to teach them the things my parents taught me, the things that formed me into a strong woman of God. Even if I'm not changing hundreds of lives every day, or even every month, I am changing the lives of eight special little girls and boys. Girls and boys who have a future that is already planned out by God. It's not easy living here in Honduras, it's hard in the most mundane ways as possible but it's home. And the feeling of home is magnified every time one of my kids give me a big hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a whispered, "I love you, Miss" in English. I wouldn't wish it away. They're perfect. The people I live with are perfect. Honduras is perfect. And it's home. My home.
Carly Hinds
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