The Best Christmas Gift by David R. Smith

Giving Kids What They Need...And Want

Christmas is coming. Do you give kids what they want or what they need? While they “want” Call of Duty: Black Ops, they might “need” new socks.

But the thing kids need the most can’t be wrapped and put under a tree.

Failure to Connect

What kids need most are meaningful relationships…and those kinds of relationships come in a (very) limited quantity.

According to a study released by The Search Institute, 81% of 15-year-olds lack “meaningful relationships” with adults outside their family (like teachers, coaches, mentors, etc). If that’s not bad enough, the disconnect kids feel is interfering with their social, emotional, and even professional development.

The study focused on three interesting points of teens’ lives: “spark” (passions/interests), “voice” (confidence/skills), and “relationships” (access to high-quality resources). The bottom line for all three revealed a gap between “support needed” by teens and “support received” by teens.

The survey of 1,850 15-year-olds was actually sponsored by Best Buy, the electronics retail giant. It appears as though all the gadgets on sale at Best Buy this Christmas season promising “better communication” can’t do the trick.

Kids need real relationships with adults; the occasional phone call or text message just doesn’t do the trick. Jonathan McKee speaks to this in his book, Connect, Real Relationships in a World of Isolation. "Even though teens might be more comfortable with us connecting with them through cell phones and computers, I see these digital mediums only as stepping-stones for youth workers to engage in face-to-face communication. In relational ministry, technology should be used as a tool, not a crutch."

That’s a lesson parents need to learn…quickly.

Parents’ Practices

Many parents – some purposefully, and some unintentionally – are changing their communication style with their kids; instead of a personal, face-to-face connection, tech-based tools are being used more often.

For instance, the average teenager sends and receives a whopping 3,339 text messages each month. (Boys send/receive 2,539 texts each month, while girls up the average with their 4,050 text messages sent/received.)

You might be thinking, “Wait a second! Kids and parents don’t text each other.”

Wrong.

According to a study by cellular provider AT&T, 73% of parents think teens are more responsive to text messages than any other form of communication, and 56% of parents say texting makes their children easier to reach. In fact, 66% of teens say their parents send them text messages when they’re in class at school!

But that’s just texting. What about other forms of communication? Social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace have permanently altered parent/teen communication…but some of those alterations aren’t healthy.

According to research released by Truste, an internet security firm, 85% of parents monitor their child’s profile at least once a week. That’s a good practice which provides parents with plenty of conversation starters.

40% of the same parents say they “regularly log” into their kids’ accounts – with their kids’ permission. Again, this is a good habit because it lets teenagers know they’re being governed.

But 10% of parents log into their teens’ Facebook accounts secretly.

Teenagers already have very few “meaningful relationships” with adults. There’s no need for parents to take away what few “trustworthy relationships” kids have, as well.

Kinect or Connect?

This Christmas season will provide parents with another opportunity to “farm out” their responsibilities to the likes of video games, toys, 52” HD TVs, cell phones, and all the other gifts most-sought after this year.

But the greatest gift parents can give is not an XBox Kinect; it’s a connection with you.

A report by MTV and the AP that came out three years ago surprised (and excited) many parents: spending time with family makes kids the happiest. Kids’ desire for parents’ time is still strong today, and even echoed in The Search Institute’s latest findings (above).

This year, you don’t have to choose between giving kids what they want or what they need. You can do both by simply giving yourself. I’m not saying put a bow on your head and crawl under the Christmas tree…though that would definitely make for an unforgettable moment Christmas morning. Just make a concerted effort to spend loads of quality time with your kids this holiday season.

You know, I can’t tell you what I got for Christmas when I was 5 or what I got when I was 25. Heck I can’t even remember what I got for Christmas last year! But I do recall that every single Christmas – without exception – was spent with family. And that means the most to me today.

The brand new iPhone 4 will eventually break, and the 3-D TV will be outdated by something even cooler (by next Christmas). But you can be irreplaceable…if you choose to be.

This Christmas, we have the opportunity to make the season about the giver, not just a gift.

Session Three of "Collide" was Totaled...Here's your conversation starter parents

Session Three: Totaled (Nov 16 2011)


Are you a safety boy/girl? Do you like the predictable? Do you like to know the outcome before you dive into something? Do you like to keep things the way they are—predictable? Isn’t that, well, a little boring? Maybe you need to collide with God. Maybe you need to place yourself in His path so that something in your life will change. It’s a collision that will leave you different than the status quo—and that’s a very good thing.

Session Three Parent Cue: As a Christian, is there something you feel like you should do, but for some reason—fear, uncertainty, discomfort—you’re reluctant to do it? How can you push yourself out of that comfort zone and make it happen?
© 2010 Orange. All rights reserved


hvarvell@wordalive.org
 

Session 2 BLINDSIDED Parent Cue

Session Two: Blindsided (Wed. Nov 9, 2011)


Have you ever met someone who was such a great example of Christ, but that person wasn’t a Christian? It sort of messes with your head, doesn’t it? After all, Christians don’t have a monopoly on caring for people. Not all things that are God’s truth exist exclusively with Christians or in the walls of the church. And if we realize that we can collide with truth in places other than the expected, God can use those collisions to show us new things about Himself and even change us.

Session Two Parent Cue: What is something that you have learned about God from a person or source that wouldn’t necessarily be labeled “Christian”?


hvarvell@wordalive.org

Parent Cue for Session 1 of Collide....IMPACT

Conversation Starter with your preteen/teen

Session One Parent Cue: What is one thing you would like to change in your life? What would it take to make that change happen?

hvarvell@wordalive.org

Wednesday Nights in November

WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT:

Collide:

Series Overview

Ask anyone who’s ever run into a sliding glass door that was closed, or went for the same baseball as a teammate, or experienced a fender bender at a stoplight—a collision changes things. Whether it’s a bump on the head or a cracked bumper, something is not the same as it was before. The same thing happens when we collide with God or His truth or even other people. We’re changed. But unless we put ourselves in a position to collide, everything will stay the same. So are you ready to change, are you ready to collide?

Session One: Impact (Nov 2, 2011)

Not many people would place themselves in the path of a moving object. Well, not most sane people. But if you understand the principle of collision, then you put yourself out there. You think about what you need to do, who you need to intersect with to make change happen. With whom or with what do you need to collide? Because if you never collide, you’ll never change.

Come back to this blog after Wed to find the parent cue that helps you start a conversation with your youth.

Parent Conversation Starter...after session 3

Session Three: Ignore? (Sept 21st 2011)

Relationships=conflict. It’s natural. It’s part of two people relating to one another because at some point, you’re not going to agree. One person will do something the other person doesn’t like. One person will let the other person down. One person will say or do something stupid. It happens. And at some point, it happens to us—either we’re the person making the mess, or the one who is feeling the effects of the mess. So how do you navigate your way through the drama? Do you just ignore it and hope it goes away? Do you just drop that friend? Or do you find a way to work it out? The choice is yours.

Session Three Parent Cue: What is the biggest fight you’ve ever had with a friend? What was the outcome?

Conversation Starter for Parents after Session 2

WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT:

Here is an overview of what we’re talking about. Listed below the summary is a “parent cue” to help you dialog with your child about the session. The question is intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.

Session Two: Respond? (Sept. 14, 2011)

Someone to listen to my problems. Someone to do stuff with. Someone to talk to constantly. Someone to hang out with. When you make a list of what qualities you want in a friend, how many of the things on your list involve what that person can do for you? Most of us would have to admit that it’s a lot. But the best friendships are ones that are not just about what the other person can do for you—the best friendships also involve how you can be there for someone else. How you can listen, instead of always talking. How you can give someone space when he or she needs it, or just hang out when your friend needs that too. In other words, the best friendships are not centered solely on you—and that’s a good thing.

Session Two Parent Cue: What are some ways you’ve been able to help out your friends?

IMAGINING THE END


Focus your energy and effort on the issues that will make a lasting impact.



The Family Drift

By Tim Walker



My wife is the kind of person who always asks big questions—usually at times that blindside me and knock me unconscious. For example, the other day, she asked me, “What’s important for us as a family?”

Not, “What do you want for dinner?” or “Do we have money to buy the boys some shoes?” (It seems like we’re always buying shoes.)

Nope, it was “What’s important for us as a family?”

Now my first reaction was, “What? Are you kidding me?” I mean, I’m an analytical person. I think a lot—sometimes too much. But I have so much stuff I’m already thinking about that I don’t have time for a question like this. It just requires too much effort. In fact, it makes my head hurt a little bit.

But there was something about her question that wasn’t so easy to dismiss. I have a son in middle school, two more in elementary. I’m realizing every day just how quickly time is passing and I’m also realizing that there are some things I want to make sure my boys learn and know before I start losing my audience with them.



I know I have a few years before the oldest moves out, but the reality is that someday he will and it will come much faster than I think. Someday he’ll walk into adulthood. And it’s important for me to prioritize the knowledge and experiences he needs in order to move forward confidently.

That may or may not happen if we keep moving in the direction we currently are. Our schedule is crazy. Our time at home is disjointed with everyone doing his or her own thing. And the reality is that without intentionality, our family will always drift along. Our tendency will always be to drift towards disconnection and randomness. My kids are not always going to just instinctively learn things from me. Sometimes it requires me putting time and energy into helping them learn those things—whether it’s how to read the Bible, make a budget, how to do laundry or how to change a tire. Sometimes it means that I let them face some consequences that I want to save them from.

For example, we were a little reluctant on the whole cell phone thing for my middle schooler. He doesn’t really talk on the phone very much, and he really only needs a phone occasionally. So we bought him one of those pay as you go phones. He has to pay to add minutes or text time to his phone. And the phone company requires that he adds to that balance every couple of months.

One weekend, he was on a retreat with our youth group. I needed to get in touch with him so I sent him a number of text messages. We talked back and forth, and while I was talking with him, I realized that I was using up his precious minutes.

My first instinct was to be generous and maybe swoop in and buy him some more minutes. But then I caught myself. I knew that if I did that, he would expect anytime I talked with him to be reimbursed. And that was not a precedent I wanted to set. So despite my “dad saves the day” intentions, I decided to just let it go and not say a thing. I would have loved to show him generosity, he’s a great kid. But I also knew that part of what makes him great and will continue to make him great is his sense of responsibility.

So what’s most important to your family? Think about it. Take a week and marinate on that. What do you want your child to walk into adulthood with? Beyond a diploma or a scholarship, what does he or she need to know to get to where he or she needs to grow? The reality is that unless it’s on your “to do” list, it won’t happen—and even then, you are going to have to work at making it happen. I know, it shouldn’t be that way, but it is. So how are the decisions, experiences and wisdom you are giving your child preparing him or her for the future?

Imagine the end. You’ll always be a parent. You’ll always be a part of your child’s life. But there will come a time when your “parenting” will end, when he or she will be making their own choices without your guidance or input. What does your child need when they get there? What are the important things you made sure they knew or experienced along the way to arrive at that point?

It may mean that you sacrifice some time on your part. It may mean that you make your child do something that he or she complains about the whole time. But when you are intentional about imagining the end, a few years from now, you’ll feel like you’ve done what you need to do to prepare your child for adulthood. It doesn’t mean you were perfect at it, but it does mean that instead of drifting, you steered your child in the right direction.

© 2010 Orange. All rights reserved.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org

Parents Need a conversation starter? This Week In Youth...

Here is an overview of what we’re talking about. Listed below the summary is a “parent cue” to help you dialog with your child about the session. The question is intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.




NEW FRIEND REQUEST:

Series Overview

We all want friends—even if we don’t want to admit it. We all want someone to hang out with, someone to talk to, someone who knows us. But friendship requires something from us. It’s not just what we get or what makes us feel comfortable or happy. There’s a smart way to do friendship, a way with intention, a way that will draw us closer to God’s heart—if we surround ourselves with the right people. That doesn’t mean our friends have to be clones of us—but it does mean that they at least help us move in the right direction.



Session One: Accept? (Sept 7th 2011)

Having friends is great. Whether you want one, or you already have one, there’s just something about having other people in your life who you can count on. For many, friendships just happen. A new friend is in the right place at the right time. And while friendships may start out randomly, there is an intentionality about who we allow close to us—and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Because the people who are closest to you have influence on your life. They help shape who you are. So who are the friends closest to you . . . and how are they influencing you?

Session One Parent Cue: Who are some of your closest friends? Why are these people so important to you?

Bring a Friend!

Wednesday, August 31st @6:00 pm we are going to do some Team Building games to prepare for our upcoming "New" Series, New Friend Request that starts on September 7th at 6:30 p.m.

We all want friends - even if we don't want to admit it. We all want someone to hang out with, someone to talk to, someone who knows us. But friendship requires something from us. It's not just what we get or who makes us feel comfortable or happy. There's a smart way to do friendship, a way with intention, a way that will draw us closer to God's heart - if we surround ourselves with the right people. That doesn't mean our friends have to be clones of us - but it does mean that they at least help us move in the right direction.

So make sure to bring all your friends these Wednesdays...August 31st - Sept. 7th-14th-21st and we will end the month with a night of Worship on Sept 28th and COFFEE!!!! (the good kind...Frappes, Lattes, smoothies etc.... They will be pretty inexpensive and all proceeds will go to Isaiah 58!)

Summer & Sabbath!

YoWAY PEEPS and Beyond,

It's time to lay out, kick back,chillax and take it slow 'cause it's, SUMMER!!!!!! WOO HOO! We hope that you are having a tubular start to your no school months!


We are looking forward to Sabbath although we are going to miss hanging out with you guys and gals...FYI YOU all ROCK! When we come back from Sabbath on Sunday, July 31st, we will have made some changes which will include High School Small Group will now meet Sunday at 11:00am. Yay!!!! We hope to see you there! (Donuts will be provided....yeah you'll be there)


Then on Wednesday, August 3rd it's our Annual Back to School Luau at Pastor Kent and Mrs. Bev's hizzy! Meet at the TOMAHALL and we will carpool up the hill. There will be food, fun in the pool, and all of your best friends(us) will be there!!! You don't want to miss it! Be sure to bring a towel, change of clothes and wear your wackiest luau attire!


We love you guys like crazy! Stay safe and enjoy the break!!

<3 Your Friendly Neighborhood Youth Leaders